YOU KNOW YOU'RE A JAMESTOWN LIFER IF...


by Kate Stevenson and Anita Bergeson
aided by the input of lifers and newcomers alike

It has come to our attention that there is a communication gap between newcomers to Jamestown, North Dakota, and that unique subspecies of homo sapiens known as Jamestown Lifers. The following list is our own humble attempt to open up the lesser-known secrets and shibboleths of the Buffalo City to anyone who cares. Each of these phrases begins with the unspoken clause:
 

You know you're a Jamestown Lifer if . . .

  1. The phrase "Home of White Cloud" makes you think of Jamestown, the current home of a rare albino bison, rather than a town that endorses a name brand bathroom tissue. You know that the best time to see the buffalo in the summer is not during the open hours of the National Buffalo Museum, when they hide in the trees from the heat and the tourists, and you know where they are fed in the winter.
  2. You remember when 727's and Lockheed Electras used to land at the Jamestown Airport. You have entertaining stories to tell about all the little commuter airlines that have served the town since then. (Thanks for the correction on the airplanes, Pat!)
  3. You can identify all 25+ churches in Jamestown by denomination and location. You can differentiate among the ten different Lutheran churches in town by their synod and historical ethnicity.
  4. "Merry Christmas" immediately brings to mind the figure of a man in olive green winter fatigues.
  5. You can find fresh donuts in Jamestown during the day and any kind of ice cream service after 11PM.
  6. You ever went to the White Drug Cafe for a whippy . . . or if you went there to listen in on the machinations of the Knights of the Round Table.
  7. You refer to business locations in Jamestown by the names of at least two previous businesses and give directions based on those names.
  8. Even though it takes less than eight minutes to get to anywhere in Jamestown, you catch yourself or your friends saying, "I don't want to go to Wal-Mart (the Mall, ... or other location) because it's clear across town."
  9. You own at least one Char Hansen cookbook and know at least two of the recipe contributors in the book.
  10. You belong to a booster club.
  11. You make it a point to buy tickets to all the pancake feeds and spaghetti suppers even if you don't eat at them, but you only get a ticket to the Trinity Luteran Lutefisk and Meatball Supper if someone in your family actually likes lutefisk...or if you are pressured by the men of Trinity to attend.
  12. You remember Jamestown before the two dams were built and the annual spring flooding brought out tourists, reporters and the National Guard.
  13. You never refer to the Jamestown Reservoir as "Jim Lake" or even as a reservoir; instead, you say "the dam." You usually say "go to the dam" to mean "go to the reservoir."
  14. You refer to the water project damming up the Pipestem River as "the Pipestem."
  15. You have been to keggers or partied below the spillway, at the dam or out at the Pipestem.
  16. Sometime in February or March, you and your friends take out bets on the exact date when the ice will break up and begin to go out at the dam.
  17. You visit the dam regularly in the spring to see how big the island is and whether or not you can cross the bridge. You regularly check the Jamestown Sun to see how many cubic feet per minute of water are being released through the spillway and you understand what the statistics mean. You have fished at the Spillway.
  18. You make all kinds of noise at the dam racing about with your Jet Ski or power boat, then you go out fishing and rage about how all the noise the people are making bothers the fish.
  19. You have heard stories about mysterious mutant monster fish living in the depths of the dam.
  20. Your idea of "going to the beach" involves going to a graveled plot of waterfront next to the marina and a squadron of power watercraft and swimming in the chilly water until you get covered with green algae slime.
  21. You time your swimming season so that you take your dips in the dam during the only week of summer when the water is finally warm enough and not yet full of green slime.
  22. You consult County Extension Agency brochures, Prairie Rose Garden Club members and Lillian Wehler's garden column for tips on when how to plant and grow things. You consider nationally-published gardening books and magazines to be largely fictional.
  23. When driving through town at certain times of the day, you instinctively head for the viaduct because you know that a train will be coming soon even though you can neither hear nor see one.
  24. When you plan to do serious shopping, you take a day trip to Fargo or Bismarck or you plan a shopping weekend in the Twin Cities.
  25. You and your friends consider Perkins the best restaurant in town, though some would lobby for Applebees or Grizzly's.
  26. "The Cities" never means Fargo-Moorhead.
  27. You are not surprised to see drivers at a four-way stop who are either disinclined to stop or unable to count to four.
  28. You know that the "Saint Patrick's Day Run" involves very little actual running.
  29. You have dreamed of secretly dropping a huge load of cement behind the "World's Largest Buffalo" and painting it brown.
  30. You used to go to movies at the Grand Theater. You know that it was originally called "Lloyd's Opera House" and was host to nationally-touring opera productions.
  31. You remember where the Opera house was.
  32. You once took a passenger train from the Jamestown passenger depot or you used to eat at the restaurant there.
  33. You remember where the passenger depot was.
  34. You have taken a Mary Young tour of Jamestown and have heard about the magnificent twelve-engine railroad roundhouse that was a Jamestown landmark.
  35. You remember where the roundhouse was.
  36. You used to dance and party with Mary and Ernie Young at the Teen Canteen in the Armory.
  37. You remember where the Jamestown Armory was.
  38. You remember the cupola-topped three-storey Jamestown City Hall and wonder why the new one was designed to look like a cross between a Sun City rec hall and an IHOP.
  39. You remember where City Hall used to be -- and you remember what used to stand where the new City Hall now stands. You know where the cupola from the old City Hall now stands.
  40. You react to the phrase "1883 Stutsman County Courthouse" with a strong emotion -- either blind hatred or loyal pride.
  41. You use the road over the viaduct as a shortcut to downtown.
  42. You are on a first-name basis with most of the growers at the local farmers' market.
  43. When you hear the phrase, "Go, Jimmies!" you think of a Jamestown College sports event, not a race among sporty Jeep-like SUV's. You know what a Jimmie is and you know their arch-rivals are the Vikings.
  44. You remember when there used to be fried chicken places in town.
  45. You still refer to the current 10th Street Chinese restaurant as "the old Blue Jay Inn."
  46. You remember the Jamestown Cafe for its fine Chinese food.
  47. You aren't bothered by the idea of holding a city-wide bridal show or gala food fair on the same civic center floor as the circus and the rodeo animals have been relieving themselves.
  48. You dream of building a beautiful home overlooking the Jamestown Reservoir or building a summer cabin high up on the banks of Spiritwood Lake.
  49. You remember when people used to be embarrassed that a potboiler Western writer named Louis L'Amour came from Jamestown. You secretly admire the pluck of his sister Edna. You know how his name was spelled before he changed it.
  50. You can locate McGinnis Cemetery where Louis L'Amour's infant twin sisters are buried and the State Hospital Cemetery where many John Does are buried.
  51. You feel a rush of hometown pride when you watch Shadoe Stevens on Hollywood Squares or see Alf Clausen's music composition credits on The Simpsons. You point out that Maxwell Anderson also spent his formative years in Jamestown.
  52. You know and respect Anne Carlsen for all her accomplishments and all the honors she has brought to Jamestown.
  53. You have a vague recollection of Peggy Lee being from Jamestown, but you're not sure whether or not she's still alive (She passed away on January 21, 2002). You know someone who used to know her when she was still Norma Egstrom. You know someone who had her brother do electrical work on a house or business.
  54. During baseball season, you check out the "Darren's Day" column in the Jamestown Sun to see how well Darren Erstad is playing these days. You remember him from Trinity Lutheran and JHS. You are distressed when sports commentators announce that he is from Fargo.
  55. You think of Jerry Meyer, Lenus Carlson, Alf Clausen and Rick Hieb as nationally-known celebrities.
  56. You know a Choralaire, you have sung in the Choralaires or you have been to a Choralaires concert. You have attended plays or performances by the New Prairie Players, the Jamestown Performing Arts or the Arts Center. You remember when there was a city band and a civic orchestra. You subscribed to the annual Civic Music Concert Series held in Thompson Auditorium before the series became defunct and the auditorium was torn down.
  57. You know or went to school with someone whose name is on a Jamestown College building.
  58. You send people to the Polar King if they want to buy CD's or tapes by The Blenders.
  59. You have taken people to Medina to show them the highway where the Gordon Kahl shootout was held. You associate the name Doc Martin with the Posse Comitatas rather than with clunky trendy footwear. You recommend that people go to the Depot Cafe to buy the Gordon Kahl book, There Was a Man. You laugh at the made-for-TV movie about the shootout that looks and sounds like it was shot in the hometown of the Beverly Hillbillies and not on the plains of NoDak in a town of German-Russians and Norwegians.
  60. If a non-lifer reels from seeing the grocery store guy, you sympathetically relate to him/her the whole tragic story.
  61. You don't blink an eye at seeing the manic repetitive behaviors of outpatients from the State Hospital at local restaurants.
  62. You find it strange to attend a live performance where the first row isn't made up of a line of Anne Carlsen Center students.
  63. You never confused the two locations of White Drug in town because you call one of them White's and the other one either White Plaza or Plaza Drug. You know which one has closed down and been replaced with a furniture store.
  64. You remember when the main street facade of the Straus store was the largest pigeon coop in NoDak after all the pigeons were evicted from the old courthouse.
  65. You don't panic when someone asks you for a ride to the Greyhound stop because you actually know which gas station is the current bus stop.
  66. You know which restaurants in town serve knephle soup and you critique each restaurant's recipe according to your own preferences. You know which day is Knephle Soup Day at which restaurant and, if at Jamestown College, you time your dining schedule to hit Marriott on Wednesdays for Theresa's knephle soup.
  67. You knew the James River Bank building (now home to Harty's Insurance) before it was decapitated.
  68. Even though there is no street named "Main Street," you call First Avenue North and South "Main Street" and everyone understands what you mean. You know that the original Main Street of Jamestown used to run along the railroad tracks.
  69. Older males in your family remember Teddy Hertl's Barber Shop downstairs on main street where guys used to pass the time by looking up at female pedestrians through the glass sidewalk and trying to guess who the women were.
  70. You actually know what the following Jamestown-based companies produce: Wedgcor, AVIKO USA, Lucas Aerospace, Haybusters, Duratech and Glenmac.
  71. You can locate the seven hills of Jamestown: Mill Hill, Hospital Hill, the South Hill, College Hill, High Acres Hill and the 281 Hill.
  72. You were glad to see the new state pen come to town because of its great economic impact. You can't see why prisoners in Bismarck petition the state to avoid being sent to Jamestown or why so many State Hospital patients and their families were outraged at having convicts move in across the fence.
  73. You can point out Jamestown's first cat house when you take people to view Fort Seward and visit the fine privately-run Fort Seward Museum. You make a point to visit flea markets held out there.
  74. You still wonder what happened to Joe Anderson and why his house got torn down so quickly after his death.
  75. You know people who went parking at Hell's Half Acre, which was close enough to the funny farm that people parked with their doors locked -- just in case. . .
  76. You actually know where the Country Club is located.
  77. Between the names Western Gear and The Hangin' Tree, you know which one sold western wear.
  78. You remember the Top o' the Stairs dance studio when it really was at the top of the stairs and you know that the Antique Attic has always been below ground.
  79. You remember when there was a member-run health food coop in the old K and G Meat Market building. You know that coop members still pick up their monthly food orders from the freight truck that unloads at the State Farmers' Union Headquarters.
  80. You know that the Saturday night Barn Dances in Eldridge were never held in a barn.
  81. You subscribe to the Jamestown Sun.
  82. You remember going to the Spirit Inn when it used to be on the lakefront -- or later, when it occupied the big octagonal building with the hardwood floor that used to be a roller rink.
  83. You know which houses in town have elevators in them.
  84. You fondly remember the big electric Christmas star atop the Peavey Elevator.
  85. You know where the "Little Theater" is and/or you recall it as the Jimmie Grill of the 1960s.
  86. You don't know enough German to see the irony in the names Haut Funeral Home and Qual Chiropractic Clinic, yet you think that cheese buttons must be a national German dish.
  87. You know where the McElroy Park public horseshoe court is. You remember when Lee Sharff used to rake in the state-wide horeshoe medals.
  88. Either you or one of your relatives has had a speech class from Bruce Berg.
  89. You make sure to attend the Stutsman County Fair when Johnny Holm is playing at the beer garden, all the while complaining that the fair was lots better when it used to be held over the fourth of July or when the fairgraounds were at McElroy Park.
  90. You don't commit the faux pas of asking a woman named "Honeybee" what her real name is or if she's from the South.
  91. You can spend hours reminiscing in the scrapbook room of the Stutsman County Memorial Museum.
  92. The only reason you ever enter the Frontier Fort is to climb to the roof and drink beer. You refer to the place as "The Gouge."
  93. You know where most of the buildings that have been moved up to the Frontier Village came from. You even knew the buildings back when they were still in use in their original settings.
  94. You can easily point out a Horton house.
  95. You know which mental institution is located on which hill. You remember the old joke about how one of them keeps you when you don't improve and the other one kicks you out.
  96. You or your children used to go to storybook hour in the basement of Alfred Dickey Public Library.
  97. You have wandered the Jungle Tunnel between the Dakota (formerly Ramada) Inn and the now-defunct hilltop bowling alley whose name now escapes me.
  98. You remember how the town looked before the Gladstone fire and urban renewal (AKA urban removal). You remember what the old street names were before they were numbered. You do not panic when someone gives you an address marked "Skyline Drive" or "Elmwood Circle."
  99. You call the part of 5th Street Northeast  that hugs the college hill from Jamestown Hospital to the College Stadium "Lincoln Terrace" and you know which is the Nething house and which one is the Haroldson house.
  100. You know where all the town's swimming pools are or used to be.
  101. You still call the Arts Center "the old Star Theater."
  102. You have danced to any of the following: Myron Sommerfeld and his Orchestra; The Les Lange Combo; JP Munsch and his Bunch; The Burleson Band; Buffalo Alice (named after the I-94 exit); Night Rider; the Cadillacs; or Johnny Holm.
  103. You remember when Count Basie used to visit Jamestown because friends of his lived here.
  104. You know who knows whom and who's related to whom so you know whom you can safely gossip about with whom. You live by the motto that any given Jamestown Lifer either knows someone who knows or is related to the person you are talking about so you'd better be careful whom you talk about.
  105. You or a male in your family actually belongs to the Elks or Eagles or both. You know people who go out to one or the other for steak or prime rib at least once a week. You know when the weekly ALL YOU CAN EAT CRAB feed is held at the KC's or at the Elks.
  106. You are on the mailing lists for the Fabian Shrimp Truck and the Hillcrest School Fruit Sales because the quality of the seafood and fruit in the local grocery stores is highly unpredictable at best.
  107. You visit the Buffalo and Jamestown Malls at least once a month so you can see which stores have gone out of business.
  108. When you visit malls in real cities, you are momentarily stunned to see more shoppers than clerks in the stores and enough stores that you actually need to consult a mall directory.
  109. You consider Stock Car Races to be a major form of summer entertainment.
  110. You can successfully navigate all the potholes on Seventh Avenue, known to insiders as "doing the Seventh Avenue Slalom."
  111. You have a well-worn, half-filled Tri-J Bottle Shop Card in your billfold and know of Jamestown expatriates who have theirs initialed every time they come back to visit the family because the cards never expire. You know at least one of the three J's the bottle shop is named after.
  112. You remember when Randy's was the only fast food restaurant in town.
  113. You or friends of yours have drunk your height in beer by the yard and half yard at Big Jim's.
  114. You refer to Second Avenue North/Southwest as "Jim Lusk Road."
  115. You considered the opening of the first Jamestown Burger King to be one of the major culinary events of the past few years because its advent was featured in all the state daily newspapers.
  116. You used to shop at Bostwicks just so you could watch the clerks use those amazing pneumatic tubes.
  117. You know and visit spots of virgin prairie not far out of town where the pasque flowers still bloom in early spring.
  118. You know people who go on the Fort Seward Wagon Train nearly every summer.
  119. The name Schubert makes you think of paint and glass before you think of German Romantic music.
  120. You are still sad that Howdy the Cowboy AKA Jesse Jamestown AKA The Angle of the Dangle was moved to Texas and with it went one of the most outstanding promontories of the Jamestown Tacky Tour. You lament the passage of other past highlights of the tour -- the Parkay Palace AKA the Cup House and the Moose on the Roof. You are happy that there is still the Locomotive House and the Grotto and you wonder if Ronald McDonald's thumb could be repositioned so he could take the place of Howdy.

Part II: WHERE DID THEY ALL GO? Grab a refreshment, a Jamestown Lifer and a large map of Jamestown, then sit down and mark where the following businesses used to be.

Assorted businesses of times gone by:

If you can answer affirmatively to at least 90% of the first statements and locate at least 90% of the now defunct businesses on your Jamestown map, you can consider yourself a bona fide JAMESTOWN LIFER. Next thing you know you'll keep a pontoon boat moored at the marina for the summer and drag an ice fishing house onto the lake for the winter!

If you can answer affirmatively to at least 70% of the first statements and locate at least 70% of the now defunct businesses on your Jamestown map, yet you do not currently live in Jamestown, you can consider yourself one of the masses of JAMESTOWN EXPATRIATES. This includes snowbirds!

If you can answer affirmatively to at least 50% of the first statements and locate at least 50% of the now defunct businesses on your Jamestown map, you can consider yourself a JAMESTOWN MOONLIGHTER. This includes Jamestown College graduates who decide to hang around for a few years or decades after graduation (bless you all!) and expatriates of even smaller NoDak towns for whom moving to Jamestown means hitting the big time.

If you can answer affirmatively to no more than 30% of the first statements and locate less than 30% of the now defunct businesses on your Jamestown map, yet live in Jamestown, you must be an INPATIENT. Who let you onto the internet, anyway?

If you live in Jamestown and know less than 10% of the information on this quiz or 10% or the defunct business locations, you are most likely a newly-transferred INMATE. Enjoy the pool and the gym!

Anyone not from Jamestown and not currently residing in Jamestown on an inpatient basis who had the patience to wade through this maze of insider information will be awarded the title of TATANKA TOURIST or HONORED OUTLANDER.

By this time, you might be ready to take a virtual visit to the WORLD'S LARGEST BUFFALO at the Titans of the Northern Plains Site. Happy Trails!

If you have any additions or corrections to the information presented here or just want to send me some hate email, please do so!

Please take me back to Kate's NoDak Page or back to my listing of NoDaks on the Web.
 


Copyright 1998 by Kate Stevenson
Last modified 09/28/2005
Are you a Jamestown Lifer?/stevenso@jc.edu